The Church of Google

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I have heard many different techniques for ranking well in Google, but this is the first time I have seen someone looking for a “spiritual search engine optimisation expert“.

Below is a GENUINE job offer that is currently advertised on the Scriptlance.com main page. This is by far the craziest job offer I have ever seen.

Seeking creative & spiritual search engine optimization (SEO) expert who believes:


1. You create your reality.

2. First be. Then do. Then have.

3. In personal responsibility. If you are willing to learn instead of blame, life will go smoothly.

4. Abudance is your natural state.

5. Givers get. Give, and it will be given to you.

6. Control your thinking and you control your results.

7. In the power of intention, thought, and spoken word. Speak only with good purpose. If it doesnt serve, don’t say it.

8. You are wealth. All you need is a good idea and the commitment to do it.

9. Wealth is freedom – money freedom, time freedom, relationship freedom, spiritual freedom, physical freedom, and the freedom to pursue your genius.

10. It all starts with a dream. Dream big. You can have it all.

11. Clarity is power. Don’t think of your goals, think from your goals. Live in the visualization of yourself having allready acheived your goals.

12. More clarity is more power. Write your six major goals on paper every day.

13. Tap into your genius. You have unique talents, abilities, interests, and values that only you can bring into greatness.

14. Love. (Loverage.) Do what you love and money will follow.

15. Imagination wins over will.

16. The size of the question determines the size of the result.

17. You allready know the answer. Take time to cultivate your intuition. Go with your “gut.” It is almost never wrong.

18. Be congruent. Desire, belief, self-confidence/esteem must all be working together at the same time.

19. You are a money magnet. You are a literal magnet for the things you want. If you really want money, money literally can’t say no.

20. Ask and it shall be granted. “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

21. Sharing is having more. Tithing is a money multiplier, not a money subtractor.

22. God knows where the gold is. Become a partner with the Author of all Wealth.

23. Old habits die hard. Don’t should all over yourself. Make your goals a MUST instead of a SHOULD.

24. Getting your act together is the final key to manifesting what you want.

If you truly believe each one of the above tenets and are able to successfully place any web site into top 10 of Google then you are invited to apply.

Qualifications:

1) belief in above tenents

2) proven track record of successful SEO in top 10 of Google

3) desire to join my company

1) you will be given your own web site (domain, hosting account, ip)

2) you will apply your SEO techniques to this site in order to get sales from it

3) you will be paid 20% from all sales through your site (everything is tracked using affiliate software)

the products you will be selling:

1) web hosting
2) e-commerce solutions
3) tech franchise oportunities

I am off to pray to the Google gods ;)

  • http://advanced-webhosting.net Advanced Webhosting

    They want 80% of your Prophet!

    Poor guy hasn’t realized that the affiliate webhosting model only works for large corporations who are leveraging subscription potentials to offer kickbacks in the 1000% range.

    And you don’t even need to join a cult or provide references.

    OK.. I got it- 7 EASY steps to Fame & Riches:

    1. First you close your eyes.

    2. Visualize your site at the top of the Google results.

    3. Now imagine the feeling as traffic pours into your site.

    4. Picture your adsense revenue skyrocketing as you click the refresh button on your account control panel.

    5. Concentrate on the sound of phones ringing with eager clients who can’t wait to be hosted.

    6. Focus on the smell of money as it piles up around you once your bank account is full.

    7. Now collect your commissions and move to Beverly Hills, Silicon Valley, or a sunny tropical resort to run your new “Spirituality as a Service” (SaaS) affiliate program from your Apple iPhone (TM – Cisco Systems, Inc.)

    And it’s just as easy as that.

    [This correspondence has been encrypted using ROT26 encoding for the safety of the author as well as the reader.]

    Current score: 0
  • http://deanhunt.com Dean Hunt

    Advanced Webhosting: I loved your example.

    However, I tried your method and closed my eyes and tried visualising the traffic pouring in, but I fell asleep :(

    Thanks for your comment, very amusing.

    Dean

    Current score: 0
  • http://www.knoxit.com.au Jesse-Lee Stringer

    I’m quite happy with my traffic at the moment,
    100 people a day to a beta site can’t go wrong.
    Although I would love a bit more local traffic though.

    Jesse-Lee

    Current score: 0
  • http://deanhunt.com Dean Hunt

    Jesse-Lee,

    100 per day is a good start. It certainly helps to have a nice foundation.

    I am sure you can pick up a bit of nice, cheap local advertising?

    Current score: 0