Dean Hunt Private Information

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Below is the private and personal information of Dean Hunt.

Dean Hunt uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Dean Hunt’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Dean Hunt has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Dean Hunt can kill him and take it.

Dean Hunt once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Dean Hunt doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Dean Hunt what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Dean Hunt only masturbates to pictures of Dean Hunt.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Dean Hunt instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Dean Hunt appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Hunt replied, “That’s no glitch.”

Dean Hunt lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Dean Hunt was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Dean Hunt sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Dean Hunt brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Dean Hunt roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Dean giveth, and the good Dean, he taketh away.

Dean Hunt’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodDean could Dean if a woodDean could Dean wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF DEAN HUNT!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Dean!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Dean Hunt does not sleep. He waits.

Dean Hunt built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Dean met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Dean Hunt is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Dean Hunt Dean Hunt was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Dean omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Dean Hunt smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Dean Hunt.

Dean Hunt does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Dean Hunt’ beard. There is only another fist.

Dean Hunt once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Dean roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Dean Hunt–more than meets the eye, Dean Hunt–robot in disguise,” and starred Dean Hunt as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Dean Hunt is pain.

Dean Hunt is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Dean Hunt plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Dean Hunt actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Dean Hunt himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Dean Hunt recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Dean Hunt used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Dean Hunt,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Dean Hunt.

If you can see Dean Hunt, he can see you. If you can’t see Dean Hunt, you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested…. Dean Hunt took over.

  • http://www.blahsports.com Nathan

    Hahahahaha clap clap clap! All hail Dean Hunt! “Dean Hunt only masturbates to pictures of Dean Hunt”, that joked killed me, but staring down books topped it off.

    Current score: 0
  • Diego

    What’s this Dean? Are you trying to prove some point about content? These are all Chuck facts…

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  • http://deanhunt.com Dean Hunt

    Diego – You will see why I did this very soon ;-) Stay tuned.

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  • SirOJ

    Dean, better be carefull. You’re messing with Chuck.

    Current score: 0
  • Jimmy Adames

    Dean.

    You are a total riot.

    Jimmy A.

    Current score: 0
  • http://onorach.blogspot.com Jo

    Oh my hell, that actually made me snort out loud! Now THAT is humor!

    Current score: 0
  • http://www.moltenmarketing.com Theresa

    Hi Dean!

    Yikes! You’ve got some big ones that’s for sure LOL! And, yes, I followed this from your follow up post about the private information thing… you’re right, it worked LOL!

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  • http://www.docjaksonsplace.com Doc Jakson

    Damn..I needed that…it’s about time we laugh a bit..or a lot..

    LIFE PHILOSOPHY:
    Live Well-Laugh Often (and this post by Dean can help) and Love Much

    all the best,
    Doc Jakson

    Current score: 0
  • Tom

    Nice Denny Crane imitation ;-)

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  • Amy Authbert

    ‘lol’
    that is all.
    :)

    Current score: 0